Babies and Cigarettes

Every one's growing up.
Does no one else fear this? I do every day. I never wanted to grow up, I wanted to go to Neverland with Peter Pan. Cunt never came for me.

I know a few who are pregnant or already have babies.
Not that I've talked to them about it, the wonders of facebook. You can care about someone without them ever knowing.
What would be the reason for entering someones life again other than your own selfish nosiness?
I used to be really broody. In the first year of my relationship. I was so desperate to have a baby. There is still a sense deep down, under the never wanting to give up cigarettes, booze, partying, careering.
Babies would ruin mine and mark's life, without a doubt.
But when I see these people on facebook who I know with babies or are pregnant I feel such a sick pang of jealousy. It makes me very angry very quickly.
Which is stupid? Right?
I know that I want more than anything in this world to be a published, successful and free writer, to play music, paint and knit in my spare time.
Babies would fuck all that up. I wouldn't be able to adventure.

I look at all the friends I have now, they are ambitious and feisty and don't ever want to be anchored by a baby. I feel happy and uncomfortable when I think of them, my life in a nutshell.
So apart from the girls with their babies and secured homes.
I hate being a woman. I know mark doesn't have this pang. I know most men don't have this maternal pang of doom (of course some may I'm not generalising totally).

So to get my mind off it I'll plan my attack on the governments new plan for outcasting smokers.
They're gonna put cigarettes under counters, out of site, in blank packets (no image, insignia or text) as off April next year.
Way to make smokers feel punished.